Proving to be a tad bumpy as I settle into this model of behaviour. It's going to take some serious regimen I think. I have to just shut my mouth and let things transpire without needing or trying to control these situations. The incident with Kristina was such an event. I felt I had to protect her. I was wrong.
Still, I feel I am succeeding here, that I know what I am doing, and am continuing on in this vein. It has the added thing of making me mindfull at all times, because I now know, sort of, in that eyes shut feely kind of way, what is going on. I am removing myself from these situations, and passing thru them.At least, that's what it feels like.
Dec 18, Sunday.
This is working. I am managing to keep it all in, more or less, and more and more each day as I get used to it. To shut up and let happen what's happening. Still an awful lot of hed cheeze to let go, but I can feel I am succeeding, letting it all happen without me doing anything as best I can, other than what is necessary at the time - that's the tricky bit. What is necessary, and what not - to function peaceably, reasonably, and calmly any given situation. I know, I'm looking for perfection, but what else is there to do really?
No comments:
Post a Comment